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Journal entries from 10/17/05 - 11/11/05

11/11/05

Yesterday we went up to Spokane and we met with Jackson's Doctor. We are working on a new plan for him. We are aware that we can't use the chemo that we were using as it is hitting him hard and it's not really working as the cancer is spreading. We will mostly likely try this experimental drug that is a Class I study, which means that there is very little experience with the drug. We are running out of options here and are hoping and praying that this one works. It will most likely be a combination of an oral pill and IV form that he can get in Lewiston. We got home from the doctor and the boys shot their bow and arrows. They both shot great, but Jackson has become very accurate and shot his jack-o-lantern many times. We are constantly monitoring his quality of life and we are blessed with his smile still.

11/07/05

Jackson is still having the roaming pain in his body, we aren't sure what is going on, but different spots in his body will hurt for a day or so and then it will move to another place. Also on Friday he had another bad nose bleed and had to have his nose cauterized again. That has been the worst thing of all of this. Jackson gets very scared when his nose bleeds so bad that the blood is everywhere and he keeps gagging and coughing it up. He received platelets that day and then was in the hospital all day Saturday from 8:30 to 4:30 getting two units of red blood. We are once again at a crossroads with Jackson. His counts are getting hit too hard from the chemo and last week his platelets didn't even register. His doctor in Spokane said that we can't take the chemo anymore and we will have to try something else. This Thursday we are heading up to decide just what that will be. We could use your prayers for the doctor's guidance and our strength to make the right decisions. We have had to make so many tough calls on what is right for him and we will never know if we have been making the right ones or not. It is very hard trying to figure out what treatment is right when no one has ever got this one right before.

10/31/05

Jackson has been on a physical and emotional roller coaster for the last two weeks. For 12 days he felt terrible and had a lot of pain in his legs and back, which was caused by a tumor near his spine. He also was having high fevers and then breaking them many times a day. He was certainly not a happy boy and had to miss a lot of school. Then on Friday he started feeling better and we had a great weekend with the Jackson Baldwin Steelhead Derby. He and Wyatt got to fish and both had a great time. The fishing wasn't too good, but we had a good time together with friends. Then yesterday we had the banquet to close the derby. So many people have been so good to us and again they were truly amazing. There is no doubt why we live in this valley. We were very fortunate to even go as we found out right before the banquet that his platelets were not even registering and his white blood cells were as low as they ever have been. So after the banquet he and Staci went to the hospital to get platelets and had a terrible time getting accessed into his port. Finally he got the platelets, but the bleeding in his port wouldn't stop and slowly bled all night long, soaking the dressing, his shirt and the bed. He even threw up, but we think it was seeing all of his blood. He is one damn tough kid, but last night he broke down and cried with me for some time. He said he wants to just be a normal kid and with tears in my eyes I explained to him that if I could I would give everything I have or will ever have to make that happen, but unfortunately it doesn't work that way and we just have to keep listening to the doctors and praying for God to help us. He accepted the answer but he is getting rather tired of hearing it. I never thought that my boys would ever see tears in my eyes, but it seems that they have several times already.

10/24/05

Jackson has had a very tough last five days. We believe the tumor is pressing on his nerves in his spine and causing bad back pain and his knees and hip hurt bad enough that it is hard to walk. He has also had a fever for most of the past five days. He is getting very frustrated and tired of the pain and fever making him so tired. He is a very tough little boy, but when the pains last this long it really wears on him. We are praying that the chemo will shrink the tumors just enough to take away the pain. His big steelhead derby is coming up this weekend and we are hoping he feels well enough to fish in it. The community has been so good to us and we can't explain how appreciative we are to all of you.

10/17/05

The Baldwin's had a great week. I was on an elk hunt and Tim, Toby, and I all got nice bulls, two six points and a five point. Then we came home and took Jackson with us on a mule deer hunt and we did great there. Jackson and I got a nice 4x4 on Saturday and Jackson was very excited. We have some great pictures to include later. There were several of us there and I think we were more excited than he was. I think Jackson felt pretty special out on his hunt with the boys. He has told me several times since that he had a lot of  fun on the deer hunt. We have been so fortunate to do all of the things that we have this fall and summer. We just pray that his health will continue to let us. His shin has been hurting a lot lately and we are going to try and get it checked out by his doctor tomorrow. We are certainly worried about the cancer in his bones. We will also keep you posted.